I think “feeling” is one of the hardest things to do. When you “feel”, it causes you to act and at times, in ways others may perceive as negative, wrong or unacceptable. Merely because they don’t understand. Sad! Smh. Why is it important for an individual to understand “why” in order to accept another or to sympathize? We are all different, our paths are different and how we see or react to things are DIFFERENT. What’s wrong with that??
My truth is, I struggle with depression and anxiety. Which means, I struggle with sadness and fears daily. So, anything minor could be my trigger. Something so small that it may be impossible for myself to see when reflecting back on my day(s). Reflecting back only to attempt to collect understanding behind why I possibly feel the way that I do. Most times, I find no answer.
More of my truth. PMS…excuse me! PMDD is the devil. Sadness is the devil. The feeling of being down is the devil! Mainly because it hurts and hinders my life. I fight to move through my day happily. It’s a battle. Like a dream where the devil rides your back. The kind of dream where you can’t move…just paralyzed.
Mental illness is REAL. Feeling incapacitated or held captive mentally is a terrible feeling.
Outside of feeling, the next hardest thing to do is to explain the struggle to a closed-minded individual. One that only sees life through there lenses. You know, that one that always says, “If it were me, I’d just…” Ughhh!
How can you support me when you basically don’t accept me?
How do I know you don’t accept me?
You dictate me. You tell me who I am not, how I don’t feel and what I do feel. You constantly project YOU unto me. But guess what, I’m not you. And if it were that simple, I’d easily turn it off and be happy. But honestly, happy. Not the phony happy I put on daily.
For me, the best way I know to get through this, is to be honest with myself, and even to those that don’t get it. I push through my days trying not to care about the criticism placed upon me by those that simply doesn’t understand me. I went and received professional help. I follow up and I have friends that forces me to do things with them. (I say force because I was honest with them about my daily battle.)
I KNOW this is not easy to share. But I’m sure there is one person that cares. Honestly, they may not be your best friend or favorite cousin. It just may be that co-worker. You know, that one that appears to be so fond of you. Believe me, someone is out there for you. And if that’s too hard for you to believe, seek professional help (see resource page). Just know, you are needed and definitely loved!